What Is This Blog About?

My name is Jesus, and I’m an alcoholic. This blog is part of my recovery, as I work through Step 12 and try to bring the message of recovery to other people. It’s also the story of a very bad man: me. You may hate me as you read these pages, and I accept that. I hated myself, too, which only made my alcoholism worse. I’ve done a lot of ugly things, as you’ll see, and not many things to be proud of. It was only by turning to God that I learned I was a human being worth fixing.

This blog is for those who think they can never, ever change their life for the better. It’s for people who are in the same dark place I was. I was so miserable, to myself, to others, to my family, that I looked forward to the day I’d drink myself to death. If I can turn my life around, I think anyone can.

Here’s a short outline of what you’ll find in the rest of these pages. Read the whole thing if you like, or skip ahead if you’d rather not hear some of the details.

How It Started

This page is about my early years in high school and the Army. It’s about how I became an alcoholic, and how I lied to myself and my fiancée while my addiction got worse and worse.

Alcohol And Family

This is about my struggle to adjust to life back in the Bronx, and how I took all that pain out on my beautiful wife and daughters. I had the most wonderful family a man could ask for, and with the help of alcohol, I destroyed them.

Everything Is Gone

It took divorce and prison for me to hit bottom. This page is about how that felt, what it was like to realize that I had to choose between sobriety and death.

Nobody Will Tell You About It

Sometimes, people make it sound like working the 12-Step Program is easy, like you commit to it once and everything after that is just gravy. This is my story of relapse, treatment, and eventually getting sober for good.

Am I Still Alive?

This is about my ongoing recovery, and the things I do to stay sober, one day at a time. It’s about having a life that’s worth living.