Alcohol cost me the most important things: my wife and children. It would have been a disservice to all the suffering I caused them to go back on my sobriety now. Because of this alcohol and I aren’t close anymore.
I should have seen it when my dad was an alcoholic when it let him hit us and let us down. I should have known when I couldn’t control what time I started drinking in the day. Alcohol is so easily used to cope with the stresses of life, but that isn’t fair.
Life is stressful, that’s just part of the experience. We all should have coping mechanisms and skills to deal with this, but sometimes we seem to lack them. Then we end up replacing them with a crutch, and this crutch can ruin us.
Alcohol cost me everything I loved and everything I’d worked for. There was nothing about alcohol that deserved for it to replace my wife and children and I learned that too late. Because my dad had alcoholism I was far more likely to have it as well, and I should have been careful.
I can never make up for what I did to my wife and my daughters. I can’t take any of it back, and I can’t ever see them again. They don’t deserve that pain. But I do know what I can do in the memory of what they really deserved: I know now how to stay sober.
So I don’t really cope with alcohol now at all, there’s no reason to drink. Prison taught me a lot, but most of all it showed me that I can live without alcohol. So in the name of my family, I no longer drink at all, not even a beer without alcohol.
Some people learn how to manage alcohol after problems like mine, and somehow they do it. I’m not one of those people. I don’t think I can ever just stop at one drink. It’ll start fine of course, but over time it will escalate until I drink anytime the thought crosses my mind, and I hurt everyone I care about.
I know that I am better than that.
So if your story is similar to mine in any way, then just let it be. Alcohol is not worth the trouble it can cause, not even a little bit.